Tuesday, October 6

Prepare To Have Your Fond Childhood Memories Destroyed.

I've been quite ill lately. Aside from spending my entire day trying to write an adequate woman's studies oral presentation and reflection paper on a Ripolin paint ad, high off my ass on nyquill, I've been watching upbeat old Disney movies on YouTube. I don't know if you, the blog observing community, were aware that you could watch entire Disney movies online, as opposed to having to figure out how to plug that 20 year old VCR into the 2 year old TV set. Watching Disney movies as an adult is very very different from watching them as a child, I've made some cynical observations about each movie. Keep in mind I'm not trying to rob your childhood of it's fantastical delusions (or even mine for that matter), the movies still gave me the warm fuzzy recollections of having watched them on the days I'd stay home from elementary school sick with a cold or flu. Therefor, i included a few pleasant musings to go after my angry cynical ones. (I am also entirely aware this is lame. Don't care. Over it.)
1. Alice in Wonderland: Aside from the fact that the story was inspired by rampant drug use, does anyone else notice that the caterpillar is clearly bipolar? Memory refresher "THE MUSHROOM OF COURSE".
However, the clam story, and the part when she cries an ocean are cute :) & i love the irony in the song "I give myself very good advice, but i very seldom follow it"
2. Cinderella: If you have a rodent problem so rancid that communally they could design and sew a ball gown... you should probably move. Also, where was the Fairy Godmother for the years of child abuse? "Oh hey, i thought I'd show up to hand you off a dress that expires and turn all of your rodent pets into horses. I'll be on my way now. FGM OUT!" This doesn't constitute a miracle people. Also in what universe can any woman wear glass shoes without ending up with a foot full of broken glass? What is she weightless?
Okay, i completely forgot about the part where the shoe breaks and she whips out the other one. Near tears people!
3. The Great Mouse Detective: How completely excellent is Professor Ratican's Cat Felicia? How did i not think she was completely hilarious as a child? & How inappropriate is the cabaret number "Let Me Be Good To You". Also, as a child i didn't realize all of the Sherlock Holmes references, so that was pretty delightful.
4. Peter Pan: Why is there SO much female competition in this movie? Wendy, Mermaids, Tinker Bell all fighting over a some ginge in tights who doesn't EVER emotionally mature? Why?! What is wrong with you?! Also, the portrayal of the Native American tribe is incredibly offensive. I forgot how adorable all of the little costumes are!
5. Snow White: She is breaking and entering people, i don't care if she just did it to clean up. Also, the Dwarfs keep her in unburied, in a glass coffin for 3 seasons. So you're trying to tell me this broads been dead for the better part of the year, but hasn't started to disintegrate? In fact, she could stand up and walk away after some heavy petting? You know which dwarf is always unrecognized? Doc. What kind of personal quality is that? Grumpy, sleepy, dopey, DOC?! I forgot that the were gold minors, what an adorable job for a bunch of midgets.
6. Beauty & The Beast: One word. Bestiality. Yeah I went there. However, i had completely forgotten about the adorable home decor characters. How fun were they?! Did anyone else notice that when they turn back into people, Mrs. Pots is about 90 and her son is 8?
7. The Rescuers: I don't remember this movie being as devastatingly sad, i literally sobbed. Medusa at one point, says to the 7 year old girl "Who would ever want a homely little girl like you?" How horrible is that? Apart from that, at the beginning the mice begin to dismount themselves from people's suitcases, who in the hell is leaving the house with the rodent in they're bag and doesn't notice?

1 comment:

  1. You are hilarious, I am inspired to go watch all my old Disney movies now
    Feel better Britt!