Combatting Halloween Sluttiness.

Kay, so given that it's Halloween, i thought I'd ramble about something seemingly insignificant. The pressing issue today is Halloween Sluttiness. When did it become okay to dress like a street walker as long as it's halloween? How did we go from dressing like a Bumble Bee going door to door acquireing candy to getting black out drunk in a plastic polyester nurses outfit, wearing 25 inch heels and no underwear? It's october people, it's fucking cold, WHY in the name of God are you tramping it up downtown in your underwear? & How come fat girls can't find form fitting costumes? I believe that beautiful women come in all different sizes, but maybe if you have a significant amount of flesh a certain percentage of that should be covered up, I don't think skinny girls should be wearing slutty outfits either, but somehow it looks much worse when your huge ass has managed to completely absorb your spandex shorts and your skin is bursting out of your fishnets like a caged animal & you look like some kind of misshapen mound of playdough, you should RETHINK your halloween costume.

I'm Going to Pretend That Hayley Mills is Lindsay Lohan & That Lindsey Lohan is Felicity Huffman... & that Felicity Huffman is Betty White.

Hell Low Neigh Bur.

Sunday night i had a dream about the movie Pollyanna. The one with Hayley Mills. Recalling how much i had enjoyed the movie i found the whole thing on youtube, but the "Also Recommended" section suckered me in and since then, I've watched: That Darn Cat, The Trouble With Angels & Summer Magic.

SO How much do we love Hayley Mills? She's the wholesom teen actress i wanted Lindsay Lohan to be... now Lindsay Lohan looks like she's wandered off from the set of Real House Wives of Atlanta.

Anyway, look for some of these movies, they're funny and heart warming and the perfect antidote from the immense pressures of having to read Greek mythology.

As a fun afterthought, in a dramatic lit class we were talking about the complication that exists among scholars in regards to the evolution of spelling in the english language.

For instance the word GHOTI is actually the word fish. Think about it.

Think: Enough, Women, Station.

October be like

October 09

We All Scream For Vaseline

Tyra Banks is whacky tacky, I always knew she was coo-coo for cocoa puffs but i didn't realize that she somehow brainwashed audiences into breaking there water over skin cream.

WWBDD?! (What Would Betty Draper Do)

So I'm obsessed with Betty Draper's Wardrobe. January Jones always looks so beautifully put together, her 50's inspired wardrobe is a stunning compilation of embroidery & high waisted dresses. EBRACE. As a side note, Mad Men is on tonight at 9! They don't even pay me to say that, if they did I'd own most of what's seen here. Enjoy fashion mongrels.

Mon Chapbook.

For this poetry workshop class my final project is my portfolio, but i thought I'd do it in the style of a chapbook, I've looked to the Zines below for inspiration. I really like the idea of the coffee cartel. I might have them all the same shape and then just clip them together. Good idea. I really like the use of the string to create a title on "lost & found". I've been playing with the idea of creating like an actual folder like the one below. I also really love the idea of doing a felt cover, maybe with some embroidery & I LOVE the title "Nothing Unrequited Here" It's just so clever, i have to think of something that clever....

Any more ideas?!

Holy.

Antionia Palladino Ring. omg.

Sound to Beat to Bass to Bone to Flesh

So i just officially spent 20 hours on a project on Bassey Ikpi's "Sometimes Silence Is The Loudest Kind of Noise" (I was originally doing Mayda Del Valle's "A Faith Like Yours" but i wasn't sure how that would translate with an audience). It's a really beautiful spoke word piece so i figured- given that I've spent SO much time on it, I'd leave you the poem as well as the video of Ipki performing it at Def Poetry Jam:

"Sometimes Silence is the Loudest Kind of Noise"

Sometimes silence is the loudest kind of noise

Like sometimes it was best when girls were girls and boys were boys.

Like back when freeze tag was a mating dance.

Like back when "Do Over" meant you got another chance.

Like back when anxiety was worrying if Wonder Woman would make it out alive.

Like back when freedom was sliding backwards on a slide.

Like back when success was jumping off a swing and

Landing on your feet, then

Doing it over again.

Like new shoes made you run faster.

Like getting Ms. Gross again for math was a disaster.

Like failure was a word we hadn't even learned to spell yet.

Like promises were sealed and kept with pinky bets.

Like a challenge was a double dare.

Like ugly was a cock-eyed stare.

& you liked it...

Like when you flipped your eyelids inside out

To impress that boy across the room,

'Cause that's all it took.

& there was no such thing as too soon,

As long as you checked the right box in that note from across the room,

The one that he...passed her.

Back when, "I don't know, maybe" was a legitimate answer.

Back when, "I need space" meant he needed more elbow room to draw,

So he got on the floor and he colored outside the lines.

Like the lines of color were on the floor,

So we just existed in sandboxes and playgrounds.

& we hop-scotched and dodgeballed

& everything I needed to know, I learned in a shopping mall.

Like don't wander off on your own,

Like know who you are,

Like know where you came from,

Like never let go of your mother's hand no matter what you do,

Like if you get lost, just stand there until someone finds you,

& someone will always look for you

Because someone will always miss you

& someone will always find you

& when you cry, someone will always remind you

In that quiet, quiet lullaby voice,

That sometimes silence is the loudest kind of noise.

also check out "A Faith Like Yours"

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby.

I have this sneaking suspicion you wanted to know some incredibly strange sex related facts.

You're welcome.

1. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world, 3 times more effective than valium.

(A method they could use in hospitals... I wish i could openly get to it on a plane.)

2. Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal.

(Confirms my suspicions about Batman)

3. The word "gymnasium" comes from the greek word gymnazien which means "to exercise naked".

(Giving High School gym an entirely new meaning.)

4. An adulterous Greek male was sometimes punished with the removal of his pubic hair & the insertion of a large radish into his rectum.

(Part of me is wishing this was a public ceremony... preformed by a barber... and a radish farmer)

5. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred & Wilma Flinstone.

(This doesn't surprise me. They ARE the modern stone age family.... Pebble probably likes women.)

6. The average person spend 600 hours having sex between age 20 & 70.

(Ironically, this seems like an entirely unproductive, it's comparable to video game statistics)

7. Condoms exposed to smog & pollution are 25% less effective.

(The Canadian government should advertise that, as motivation to get people to start recycling more frequently. Don't want to impregnate your girlfriend? Recycle your cans)

8. The word "Hockey" is Archaic slang for "semen".

(Canadians love semen. Hayley Mutch will not be pleased)

9. People who chew a lot of ice have a higher sex drive

(How on earth does one obtain that statistic? Or more importantly, who ever thought of actually testing it so that it could some day be statistically factual?)

10. Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.

(Stack up on your drug store paperback porn ladies)

11. 85% of men who die of heart- attacks during intercourse, are found to have been cheating on their wives.

(HA, When to know if Jesus is smiting you...)

Lost & Found.

I found this picture of this supercalaFABulistic ring.

(that's right, I'm allowed to make up words that include puns...)

Does anyone know where i found it? Who makes it?

More importantly, where can i get it?!

A Light At The End Of A Literary Tunnel

So in Dramatic Lit 1135, it seems to be mainly theater students (which is a tragedy in itself), but that's not the only thing that makes the class unpleasant... In the past month I've read Medea, The Second Shepards Play, St. Georges Play, Oedipus Rex and the lesser of all evils Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. So when i opened Pygmalion i was filled with such dread and resentment. After the second line i almost jumped out of my seat screaming "OH MY GOD IT'S MY FAIR LADY", i have seen My Fair Lady roughly 700 times, it is one of my favorite movies! Which is why i feel particularly stupid not knowing that it was adapted from Shaw's "Pygmalion". Anyway, the play is absolutely delightful to read, even if you've seen the movie or the play, it'll definitely become an all time favorite! It has made my Dramatically Literary month a little more bearable.

Sometimes I Wonder if My Dog is Embarrassed to Be Seen With Me

To be entirely honest, I've been more concerned about my pugs halloween costume than my own, in fact I'm debating wether or not to take him trick or treating, I wonder if people would offer dog treats.... In any case, last year he was a football player and the year before that he was a cheetah (it was a really sweet costume, he wore it for a whole 30 seconds.) So after extensive googling, I've picked out the best pug halloween costumes and below are my top favorites.

Thought the pink unicorn is a little effeminate, I'm sure that MY dog has the confidence to pull it off.

I wish Chase was black so that he could be the spider, who has ever heard of a fawn spider? Is that racist?

I love the wings on the Bee costume, i wonder how long before he tries to eat them.

I already think pugs look like Yoda (Or those little teddy bear creatures from episode 2).

Hilary Duff Puts On Her Actor Face To Ruin My Monday's

So for what is easily the biggest tragedy on television this year, Hilary Duff has joined the cast of Gossip Girl. The acting on Gossip Girl is already incredibly poor, i can't begin to understand what the thought process was that lead someone to believe that Hilary Duff would be a good addition to anything. That's like putting glitter on a pimple. She always has this dumbfounded look on her face... it's her actor face. As of last week, i have boycotted Gossip Girl. I'll be happy to return to the show after Hilary Duff's big teeth and have been dismissed from the cast.

10.08 to 10.15 this week be like

write. sleep. coffee. write. write. coffee. write. sleep

write. coffee. write. sleep. coffee. write. coffee.

My Chick on the Side Says She's Got One on the Way.

Hello Blog Observing Community, I have nothing substantial to share with you today. However, every so often i like to openly share my personal information with the interweb. To keep me from blogging about my banking information, here are some of my weird secrets.

Confession #1: Sometimes when i hear car alarms outside or something starts beeping, i plug my ears to see if the noise is in my head because I'm terrified that one day I'll just wake up and have schizophrenia. It's never in my head.

Confession #2: This is my second year of writing analytical essays about obscure poetry and gruesome plays. Last year, i got almost all A's my lowest grade was a B. I don't think i wrote anything last semester without at least a miniscule amount of alcohol in my system. I decided for my first two papers of the year I'd avoid drinking, i got a C grade on both of them. I'm beginning to think that one little glass of wine keeps me from sabotaging myself by suppressing my insane tendency for perfection. I'm going to need to get my stomach pumped after my dissertation...

Confession #3: The other night i had a dream that Cinderella had sex with the Beast, and Belle came home and Cinderella had to go sneaking out like a common whore. It was very disturbing.

Confession#4: I like to color in my agenda with pencil crayons but I'm embarrassed to open it in public because i think people will think i can only function if things are presented to me in the way they would be if i were a four year old. I just think the colors brighten up my day, but i don't want to have to tell everyone around me that because I'm afraid they'll then be afraid of the broad yelling at them about her agenda... so i just don't write in my agenda.

Confession#5: I have considered paying someone to clean my room with me, because it needs to be done and i need to organize my closet but i have so many clothes and no place to put them. Every time i start, i get overwhelmed and i just give up and have a nap.

Confession#6: When i get upset about something, i buy a new article of clothing. Usually I'm upset because I'm in debt, which i remedy by buying myself something pretty.

That's how Sue C's it.

My Mother Calls Me A "Smidget"

Even though I'm 5'2 which is teetering on midget height, there's something about 2-inch heels (which i actually need to look like a normal person) that is maybe a little too "pretty womanesq" for my tastes. I prefer flats, mainly for the reason that they simulate the idea that I'm walking without shoes. My FAVORITE line of flats are by a ballet company called BLOCH, i get compliments on them everywhere i go! I was just perusing the interwebs for the new fall 09 collection. These were my favorites!

Moderately Ostentatious Hands: The Search

I had a lovely dream about a pair of red gloves in August. Ever since, I've been on the hunt for a pair of short black leather gloves with dainty bows high on the wrists. I have found something very close... but of course they're red. Does anyone know of a line that carries gloves like this without that horrid cranberry color?