Monday, August 17

She Wolf. No seriously.

So Shakira is making a come back and she's doing it in a unitard.
Her recently released single "She Wolf" has just spawned a music video to prove that her hips still aren't lying, wether she's hanging out in a pink cave or swinging around a cage in someone's basement (never before was i so aware that a cage is composed of opportunities to dance like a stripper ) I don't know what her motivation was for looking this stupid in public, but there is no way she sees this now and goes "Oh yeah, that looks good."

The lyrics to this song are dreadful, however the added panting and howling really adds a specific element of magic to her eloquent performance. Pretty sure I've watched it at least twice everyday for the entire week.

K soo, we start off the music video and she's sneaking out at night in a full body unitard and two different pairs of shoes to go into her closet, nothing out of place here.
Turns out the closet happens to be a portal to a pink cave that reminded me of the Magic School Bus episode when they go inside Arnold. Anyway so as she's dancing around inside Arnold the new "Robot" is born... no she's not just trying not to fall down... that's a dance move.
Now stop at 0:39 so you can absorb what you've just seen. Also note that she's framing her vaginal package with her hands. Classy. Proceed.
ANNNNDDD the cage dancing! Essentially someone asked her "Are you inappropriately flexible?" Evidently, she answered yes and my hypothetical character went "Bill! Get the cage ready!"
Stop at 0:42. Holy shit legs all over the place. Someone's been doing they're Tiabo! I know i didn't look that good the last time i was wearing MY nude leotard and my jeweled stilettos in a cage in someone's basement. No sir.
K press play. Around 0:49 we have to watch the poor dear struggle with back spasms. I want you to keep watching & be mindful of the fact that this had to take a lot of careful planning, set changes, costumes, choreography etc. This means that a significant number of people actually thought that this looked good.
Around 0:56 she's doing an improved version of "the dice".... At about 1 minute a swift wind finds its way inside the cave...
STOP at 1:10. THIS dance move is the WORST possible thing anyone could do with their body. Play. Enjoy the rest of that. Keep going... just some really subtle classy moves. You've probably heard the howl by now, followed by some panting. That just seems horrible. Until ... 1:50! Now here's the great thing about this, they actually go so far as to try and convince you that she is actually wearing this outfit in public, last time i worked my unitard at the club i was escorted out.
2:06, you get maybe the 3rd best dance move in the video, I'll be learning this to a tee and then breaking it out at the club, I'm already so popular.
2:25 This one was so awesome they cut to it twice. I can't tell if she's dancing or having some kind of seizure... she's really got her serious face on. She's really serious about looking this stupid.
Then some hopping around barefoot on a rooftop in some kind of sheer top. Nothing out of the ordinary here, basically a reenactment of any one of my week nights, really.
3:19 just rubbing her tummy and spreading her legs. Nothing new.
We end on a high note with a crotch shot. I think the best part of this music video is the part where she falls off of a building.

Thankfully, Youtube allows comments and this particular forum was a good place for all of the stupid people to identify themselves.

hotgay57 (8 hours ago)
I love Shakira. Love the video, she fainaly did something that moves on from plain predictable videos!


ScarletFever(10 hours ago)
I agree with you.
It's done in a classy way. All about the moves too.
I love her moves. I'm learning them myself. :)

Just classy. I don't know about you but I'm picturing that 13 year old doing the innovated robot in front of her bathroom mirror & i just feel so sorry for her, because in a few years she's going to tare her eyes out in embarrassment that she was ever this slow.

Loresong(1 day ago)
I have to say that in the first time I saw the video, I really got in shock 'cause this wasn't the style of shakira I am used to hear, but I keep going watching it, and now I really understood the really meaning of the song and video, she represents how it could be a wolf that isn't comfortable with her situation 'cause she's tired of wating to realise her diseires, represents her instincts and how much she is looking that,

I didn't cut this off this was the entire comment. I think it just speaks for itself.

4life(1 day ago)
I mean she's trying to follow the Lady Gaga trend, and Ive known about Shakira since she had black her and was mostly known by my fellow latinos, and when no one in America gave a shit about her until she followed the britney trend with her blonde hair.

Here's a good opportunity to express the uniqueness of your heritage.

pink_gorgeous(1 day ago)
let's get one thing straight here people it's a proven fact that 'sex sells' sex is everywhere, in the media, magazines, on tv, and definitely on the internet, there is no escaping it so get over it, calling her a whore and a slut because she can dance better then you isnt going to do much good either, jealous much?

Oh, thanks mensa candidate for the social commentary.

1 comment:

  1. Have I ever mentioned that I think you are the funniest 18/19 year old EVER??
    And, I'm not just saying that because I'm your Mom... I say everyone is jealous of you because of that!