My French Canadian Fears

Fears I've Developed In the Week Since Moving to 

French Canada: 

PIGEONS a wing grazed my head the other day it was very disturbing & it seems on a sidewalk full of people they have this sick tendency to fly all up in my face, i think they're actually classified as vermin. 

Bed Bugs... thanks Toronto for your dirty fucking microscopic mutant bed insects. What's that observing public? You thought that was only a lullaby goodnight to disturb small children? You were wrong, bed bugs are a gross epidemic in eastern Canada. You can only freeze 'em out or burn 'em out, they get EVERYWHERE, in you hair, every fiber in your clothing, you have to essentially shave your head & get rid of everything you have to get rid of them. Sidenote: there are no goddamn bed bugs in the west.

Screaming Guy: Could possibly be homeless, maybe not. He just walks downtown late at night screaming at the top of his lungs. You can hear him for blocks.
"Fuck You" Lady: She hangs out outside Starbucks & asks people for change & if you don't give it to her she yells "OH FUCK YOU" & then she gets really worked up & starts yelling at people "GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING CHANGE"
Seeing Someone Jump In Front of The Metro: You'd think people would come up with more creative ways of killing themselves but apparently not. People throw themselves in front of the fucking metro every 2 days on average. Every time I'm on the platform i just stare intently at my feet.