"I wish i could play little league now. I'd kick some fucking ass" - Mitch Hedberg.

Despite the fact that I'm soulless, black hearted, & ate a baby for breakfast today. I do enjoy an occasional bout of laughter. I'm going to use this space to feature some of my favorite comics. In alphabetical order.

Demetri Martin. I discovered the comic stylings of Demitri Martin when Sanja featured his show "Important Things" on her blog. (So I'm sort of STEALING) He's been called Mitch Hedberg with a guitar. The following few videos are among my top favorites.

"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades" - Demetri Martin

"Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal" - Demetri Martin

So I'm sort of stealing Louis CK as well, because apart from seeing him only once on Letterman, my friend David opened up my world into Louis CK's completely deranged stand-up comedy. I love his jokes about his kids.

"Go skate into an AIDS tree." - Louis CK

"Nobody ever calls her on her bullshit, that's how she got to be an asshole in the first place" (About his 4-year-old daughter) - Louis CK

"The pain in my shoulder is intense and it's sending signals to my brain like "You don't love her just drop her" - Louis CK

Mitch Hedberg. If you don't know who this is just stab yourself in the throat now because there's no hope for you. I'm not even going to write a fucking bio to tell you who this is, because hopefully if you didn't know after having read the first sentence I'm assuming you're dead by now. For those still with us, it took me awhile to find some Mitch Hedberg jokes i haven't heard yet, so here's one with the MOST jokes i haven't heard.

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but i used to, too." - Mitch Hedberg.

So i remember a few years ago, Russell Brand hosted the MTV Awards & soon after Forgetting Sarah Marshall came out (which i actually might have loved more than The Hangover), after all of this i still thought he was sort of unattractive and moderately funny. UNTIL i saw his show Wonderland, slowly but surely, his sexual appeal became incredibly clear. Didn't he marry Katie Perry or something? Did that happen? Here's his Comedy Central set in NYC

"Without fame this haircut just looks like mental illness." - Russell Brand

"Don't worry about having to applaud i hear it in my head constantly " - Russell Brand

"Here's a selection of my favorite death threats." - Russell Brand

Zach Galifianakis! You may recognize him from "The Hangover", but he's been doing stand-up for quite sometime, if you love him as i do, check out "Between Two Ferns", but i thought I'd JUST share his 20 minute Comedy Central set.