"She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak."
"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that, basically, he's an underachiever."
"Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words."
"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."
"Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love."
"Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there."
"I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me."